Truth & Reality -- I'm sad

Reality and Truth

The Lord is a shield about us and the lifter of our heads Ps. 3:3

Reality:

I’m sad.  It’s no secret.  Those of you who know me well, or those who have read anything I write, know that my life is difficult.  My difficult life is not something that I hide, I just don’t glorify it;  it’s not something that I choose to constantly write about or dwell on.  Today, I feel the need to share the fact that I’m sad.  Not for sympathy or pity, but to encourage others around me, because I’m sure I’m not the only sad person here. 

I’m sad.  So sad, in fact, that it’s been difficult to get out of bed in the morning.  Each morning my mind and body fight with my will and spirit.  I just want to lie in bed, hide under the covers and sleep. Sleep and sleep and sleep – perchance to dream.  Ay, there’s the rub!  

My dreams.  

I.Have.Dreams.

Despite the daily battle between my mind and will each morning, I get out of bed.  I press forward with my day and try to keep my mind occupied thinking on things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely and admirable. Not ignoring and suppressing the sadness, but adding good thoughts to my mind and heart in order to somehow dilute it.  Some days it works, others not so much.  I press forward.  

The battle continues during the day and at lunch I want to sleep in my car – perchance to dream – instead of working out.  I want to live, so I work out. 

I sometimes cry when I run <true story>.  I tell myself I hate running and that’s why I’m crying, but I’m not really an immature baby, so I then choose to be true to myself: “I’m really sad, that’s why I’m crying”.  <that awkward moment when you’re caught> <-- That’s another story. 

Instead of sleeping in my car at lunch, I swam today.  It felt great.  You know, it is really painful to cry and swim, downright dangerous, actually!  My goggles get all fogged up and wet with salty tears that sting my eyes and I can’t see.  Plus, I’m an ugly crier.  I tend to sob and kind of hiccup…that’s not a good thing when you’re swimming either.  Today, I refrained from crying and I beat the water with my arms and kicked the surface with all of my might – for 70 minutes.  It felt great. 

Truth:

I’m sad, but I can’t let it keep me down.  I can’t let the sleepiness of sorrow dictate my life or pilot my dreams. I am chosen, hand-picked by God to live this life and He will always be here to strengthen me and get me through.  I MUST GET UP…ALWAYS.

Friends, nothing is accomplished by staying in bed.

Nothing is accomplished by running to food, alcohol or drugs – those things don’t dilute the sorrow, only multiply it.

Nothing is accomplished by just sitting and staring at the television set.

Wake up my friend. Get up. Pull yourself up. Drag yourself. Whatever you have to do, do it.  Sorrowful dreams that are dreamt in moments of depression turn into nightmares. Remember the God-given dreams of your heart and pursue them.  God has plans for you. A future and hope.  Hope never disappoints. 

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. (Romans 5:3-5 NIV)