Ever get the "feeling"?
Yeah, I know it’s been a while. I guess I come here when it’s time to sort things out or get things off my chest. Things I just need to express in an outward form in order to process.
Ever been used? Well, as a “Pastor’s wife” unfortunately it happens, happens often and repeatedly. Sometimes by the same people sometimes by people who you think are the closest to you. I have many friends who are in the position that I am and we share similar stories, things that no one would even believe, yet we continue in our positions smiling, fulfilling our duties, standing aloof and alienating ourselves from the “women” in our own churches making sure not to let anyone get too close. Well, you definitely can’t have any close friends in the congregation….that’s made clear from the “get go”. Honestly, it is a lonely life, one that will either make or break a church, or marriage. Thank God I still have both and my husband is my best friend.
Since friendship in the “church” has it’s dangers, I’ve found a wonderful outlet to meet and make new and wonderful friends. Friends who won’t judge me for just being me and won’t look at me thinking “She’s a ‘Pastor’s wife’ she shouldn’t wear that or do that or watch that”, all while maintaining my integrity and staying true to my convictions. Really, aside from friendships made at work this has been my first true outlet for friendship.
But I’m beginning to get those feelings again. Those feelings of being “duped”, of being “used”, the feelings of betrayal. The knife wounds that I thought healed are beginning to sting again. Because it doesn’t matter who sticks the knife in there or when….it always end up hurting in the same place
Ever cut your hand or finger, really bad? There’s that initial thought “oh man! I cut my hand!” but you don’t feel anything yet? It takes a little time for the pain signals to reach the brain. Then you LOOK at your hand and realize…Oh man! I CUT MY HAND” and you see the damage that’s been done but, still, you don’t feel the full effect of the slash. THEN, you feel that throbbing pain and panic sets in. “Oh my God, I cut my hand!” I think I’m here…still trying to figure out if my hand’s cut or not and if it is how bad is it?
I’m hoping for a paper cut, although those hurt like heck! LOL but at least I’ll get over it really fast. If it’s a knife wound? Well, I’ve survived plenty of those and although it takes a lot longer to recuperate from it won’t cripple me forever.
Ever been used? Well, as a “Pastor’s wife” unfortunately it happens, happens often and repeatedly. Sometimes by the same people sometimes by people who you think are the closest to you. I have many friends who are in the position that I am and we share similar stories, things that no one would even believe, yet we continue in our positions smiling, fulfilling our duties, standing aloof and alienating ourselves from the “women” in our own churches making sure not to let anyone get too close. Well, you definitely can’t have any close friends in the congregation….that’s made clear from the “get go”. Honestly, it is a lonely life, one that will either make or break a church, or marriage. Thank God I still have both and my husband is my best friend.
Since friendship in the “church” has it’s dangers, I’ve found a wonderful outlet to meet and make new and wonderful friends. Friends who won’t judge me for just being me and won’t look at me thinking “She’s a ‘Pastor’s wife’ she shouldn’t wear that or do that or watch that”, all while maintaining my integrity and staying true to my convictions. Really, aside from friendships made at work this has been my first true outlet for friendship.
But I’m beginning to get those feelings again. Those feelings of being “duped”, of being “used”, the feelings of betrayal. The knife wounds that I thought healed are beginning to sting again. Because it doesn’t matter who sticks the knife in there or when….it always end up hurting in the same place
Ever cut your hand or finger, really bad? There’s that initial thought “oh man! I cut my hand!” but you don’t feel anything yet? It takes a little time for the pain signals to reach the brain. Then you LOOK at your hand and realize…Oh man! I CUT MY HAND” and you see the damage that’s been done but, still, you don’t feel the full effect of the slash. THEN, you feel that throbbing pain and panic sets in. “Oh my God, I cut my hand!” I think I’m here…still trying to figure out if my hand’s cut or not and if it is how bad is it?
I’m hoping for a paper cut, although those hurt like heck! LOL but at least I’ll get over it really fast. If it’s a knife wound? Well, I’ve survived plenty of those and although it takes a lot longer to recuperate from it won’t cripple me forever.
posted by Rebecca at 11:16 AM
3 Comments:
Even though cuts like that can hurt, I think things happen for a reason. Just know I'm here for you, my friend!!!
Amen to what Lara said! :) It's definitely for the best sometimes. . . and this time for sure!
Sweetie, know that if that hand is cut there are many of us who have bandaides and will also hold the other hand while you are in pain. Sounds a bit cliche but you know what I mean :-)
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