10 years ago.....
August 7th, 1997 is a day I'll never forget.
It's a day that sits in the back of my mind, always haunting, always threatening. A memory that at times tries to overtake me and fill me with fear.
But I've yet let that memory defeat me, in fact I've defeated it. I have defeated a lot of fears, and even face some more haunting than that day itself.
10 years ago, my husband suffered a life threatening stroke. We had 3 sons, ages 5, 7 & 9.
It was a bleed on the left side of his brain that affected his entire right side and his language central. He was paralyzed and couldn't put two words that made sense together, he couldn't communicate.
When I saw him in the emergency room, the doctor wasn't hopeful and gave him about an hour to live, his exact words? "Your husband may die within the hour"
When I think back to that day, to that time, it's almost as if someone is narrating my story. I look back and don't understand how I withstood that time, how I was able to stand firm and not loose total control. Well, I do know it was the promises of God that kept me.
A few months before, Willy and I had set out on the venture of starting a missions church in Oakland. We've always had a heart to help people, desperate people. We've always felt Oakland was a desperate place.
When Willy suffered this stroke, the only thing that came to my mind was that he wasn't finished with the work he was supposed to do, so obviously, if he wasn't finished he couldn't die. God certainly could not have put such a burden in our hears to just yank him out of the picture now, and not complete what we have set out to do.
So with that revelation, like a flash through my mind, I looked at the doctor and said "He will not die today, so where do we go from here?" He looked at me like I was crazy. I wasn't understanding his statement. There was no where to go from here. This was it. This woman before him was in denial.
There are so many moments, so many little things that I remember. So many feelings and emotions. So many fears. What if he can't walk? What if he can't talk or communicate? Will he ever stop drooling? I remember having to walk out of one of his speech therapy sessions. Stood in the hallway, propped up against the wall and wept. I wept because my extremely intelligent husband could not read a six word sentence. I remember thinking "this is impossible, he can't even read. God, he CAN'T READ".
*Wheelchair
*NG Tube
*Catheter
*unable to communicate, through speech or writing
He came through all of that. It wasn't easy, it isn't easy.
Can I be real here? There have been many many times I've prayed and asked God why he let him live. If you have ever cared for a sick loved one you'll know the feeling "If he died it would be so much easier". But again, I've never been known to take the easy way out.
And now, here we are, 10 years later and he faces a whole new set of struggles. The man has the patience of a saint. In fact, Ben and I have talked about this and we both agree that we CAN'T STAND how patient he is! LOL We hate it. The man sat at a gas station, on the day of LW's graduation party, and waited in line for about 1/2 hour to put gas in. He waited at this gas station because it was 5 cents cheaper than all the others. The others' didn't have a line, but he waited in line without complaint. Our complaint? He only put in $5.00 worth!!!!!! My God! LOL
He struggles, but he's got HOPE. He is so excited to be starting his home dialysis treatments. He's got new ideas for the church. He's wants to do things with the family. He's excited about life. He has been through so much in the last ten years, it's not been a very happy time. It's been a very difficult time. Lots and lots of struggles, unmentionable struggles, untold frustrations and indescribable pain. But there's hope. I truly, truly feel there has been a turn in the tide. I look forward to the setting sun, just to see what the new day will bring.
It's a day that sits in the back of my mind, always haunting, always threatening. A memory that at times tries to overtake me and fill me with fear.
But I've yet let that memory defeat me, in fact I've defeated it. I have defeated a lot of fears, and even face some more haunting than that day itself.
10 years ago, my husband suffered a life threatening stroke. We had 3 sons, ages 5, 7 & 9.
It was a bleed on the left side of his brain that affected his entire right side and his language central. He was paralyzed and couldn't put two words that made sense together, he couldn't communicate.
When I saw him in the emergency room, the doctor wasn't hopeful and gave him about an hour to live, his exact words? "Your husband may die within the hour"
When I think back to that day, to that time, it's almost as if someone is narrating my story. I look back and don't understand how I withstood that time, how I was able to stand firm and not loose total control. Well, I do know it was the promises of God that kept me.
A few months before, Willy and I had set out on the venture of starting a missions church in Oakland. We've always had a heart to help people, desperate people. We've always felt Oakland was a desperate place.
When Willy suffered this stroke, the only thing that came to my mind was that he wasn't finished with the work he was supposed to do, so obviously, if he wasn't finished he couldn't die. God certainly could not have put such a burden in our hears to just yank him out of the picture now, and not complete what we have set out to do.
So with that revelation, like a flash through my mind, I looked at the doctor and said "He will not die today, so where do we go from here?" He looked at me like I was crazy. I wasn't understanding his statement. There was no where to go from here. This was it. This woman before him was in denial.
There are so many moments, so many little things that I remember. So many feelings and emotions. So many fears. What if he can't walk? What if he can't talk or communicate? Will he ever stop drooling? I remember having to walk out of one of his speech therapy sessions. Stood in the hallway, propped up against the wall and wept. I wept because my extremely intelligent husband could not read a six word sentence. I remember thinking "this is impossible, he can't even read. God, he CAN'T READ".
*Wheelchair
*NG Tube
*Catheter
*unable to communicate, through speech or writing
He came through all of that. It wasn't easy, it isn't easy.
Can I be real here? There have been many many times I've prayed and asked God why he let him live. If you have ever cared for a sick loved one you'll know the feeling "If he died it would be so much easier". But again, I've never been known to take the easy way out.
And now, here we are, 10 years later and he faces a whole new set of struggles. The man has the patience of a saint. In fact, Ben and I have talked about this and we both agree that we CAN'T STAND how patient he is! LOL We hate it. The man sat at a gas station, on the day of LW's graduation party, and waited in line for about 1/2 hour to put gas in. He waited at this gas station because it was 5 cents cheaper than all the others. The others' didn't have a line, but he waited in line without complaint. Our complaint? He only put in $5.00 worth!!!!!! My God! LOL
He struggles, but he's got HOPE. He is so excited to be starting his home dialysis treatments. He's got new ideas for the church. He's wants to do things with the family. He's excited about life. He has been through so much in the last ten years, it's not been a very happy time. It's been a very difficult time. Lots and lots of struggles, unmentionable struggles, untold frustrations and indescribable pain. But there's hope. I truly, truly feel there has been a turn in the tide. I look forward to the setting sun, just to see what the new day will bring.
posted by Rebecca at 8:11 PM
3 Comments:
Great story and thanks for sharing. Its little things like that, that put your life into perspective. Wow, so amazing and 10 yrs later. Thoughts go out to your family!!
You are an amazing strong woman...Be proud of YOU!!!
Hey you,
I just finally read this post, and my god just hearing all of this makes me look up to you even more. I always knew you were a strong woman, but this your life, your experiences can only show me that even though things happen to us, we can make it out with a smile on our face. With Jimmy gone I have been just taking it one day at a time, just waiting for the next thing to happen. Now with your post I know that I can't keep living this way. I have to look for the light at the end of the tunnel. Jimmy was taken because he was needed. Will was left here because he has more work to do. "GOD" really has his reasons. I am blessed to have you in my life.
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