Guess that didn't work too well huh? Lol

(3/3) excuse as I've just dropped amost 450 big ones on BOOKS! Oh well, at least we got the books we needed, I just wish I had a computer to study with! Soon

(2/3) months to purchase this darn thing but of course one thing after another happens and my needs get pushed off to the side. Books this month, thats my

Ahhh, the New Year!

Ok, so it's been MONTHS since my last post. I've been carried away by life, work, photography, school, kids and hubby and facebook, can't forget about FB!

I'm not going to make any promises to keeping up this blog, but I do need it. I don't post much personal stuff on FB as I'm just not too comfortable. Not that this blog isn't public, it's just not that "publicized".

I really came back to blog my feelings about the new year. Not only have I neglected posting to this blog, but I've neglected putting my feelings down somewhere. This is something that I really do miss, so I'll get straight to the point.

New Year. It's supposed to be a new start, a fresh beginning, getting rid of the old, forgetting that which lies behind and looking forward to what lies ahead. But personally, there is nothing I am going through that I can leave behind. Everything I carry must follow. Each year, well, for the past ten or eleven years, I begin with a sense of sadness, a sense of dread. Each year I wonder if this is *the* year.

Even though Willy is doing well, we do go through our good days and bad days. I see him and all he goes through, the pain, fatigue all the suffering that he endures and I wonder to myself "how much more can he take?". He still never complains and he gives every last bit of energy he has to helping me and making sure I'm happy, but it weighs on him greatly. We laugh, joke and poke fun at everything but deep down inside when we look at each other we know there is a grave truth that lingers over our heads.

Each moment, each year we have, we appreciate. We are not fools, none of us are. We thank God for all that we have and all that He has given us. Our kids know very well, and I see it in there eyes as the two leave for Tennessee, that this might be the last time they see their father. We're not a doom and gloom type of family but I refuse to live in denial and I refuse to let my kids live in a bubble so that when something does happen that bubble explodes in their face, unsuspecting.

I don't know the whole reason for this post. I don't know why I have the need to write this down. I guess I just have to put my fears down and move on. To get through this new year and look forward to whatever comes with grace and faith. I'm always scared during the new year...I just went back on this blog to 2005 and am beginning to think I sound like a broken record. Holy crap, I've had this blog since 2005! LOL <----short attention span, forgot what else I was gonna write!

Happy New Year all.....my best to you and your families.
~Redbecca - Bad Becky