The past 12 months

It all seems too crazy to be true. So much activity crammed into the past twelve months that it really is almost unbelievable.

I began my 41st summer answering a call for help. A plea from friends, former colleagues and the public to help our school district by running for an elected seat for the SLZUSD. Never would I have allowed myself to dream such a dream, ever. It was an exciting yet scary time for me.

I began my 41st summer at work losing my wonderful mentor and manager to budget cuts. A year of furloughs, tight finances, constantly changing job descriptions and fear of losing my own job. It was an exhausting time for me.

I began my 41st summer, as I have for the past 12 years, thanking God for every moment loaned to me with my family. Always wondering when the loan will have to be payed back, it was a fearful time for me.

I began my 41st summer determined to pursue my education. Taking courses, studying, reading and writing, it was a stressful time for me.

I began my 41st summer longing for a home, a church home. A place to worship, a hiding place, a refuge from the pain and pressures of my "trying times". A place to be "me" to use the gifts that God has given me, to be a servant, to serve Him and to serve His people. It was a lonely time for me.

As I look back on this year all I can say is God is faithful. I never imagined I could endure such stress, pressure, push and pull and remain sane. My campaign was the most amazing experience in my life. I learned so much about myself that I kind of knew but never really "faced". I learned who I was, am. I learned how others see me, I saw my reflection. And for the first time in my life...I saw strength and beauty.

Work was difficult and has become worse as the year comes to a close. But regardless, I continue to press on. Work doesn't define who I am. There is no breaking me, I do not give up. Relationships are not dependent on location or proximity, I continue the friendships that I had. I looked into the mirror and saw a self-confident fighter, not a weak victim.

My third son graduated high school. The loan will be called on and I'll have to hand him over to his rightful owner. My job is done, I must let go. My greatest hope is that I did him well. There's another outstanding loan I wonder about, my greatest fear? I looked in the mirror for quite a while, I couldn't find fear. I don't see fear. I've searched...fear has gone.

I kicked butt in school. With everything else going on in my life, campaign, work, family, photography and article writing I never stopped. I took eleven units this semester and worked HARD. I look in the mirror and see diligence, excellence and sacrifice and a flippin 3.90 written all over my forehead!

It's Saturday night and an expectation fills my soul. I get to go to an awesome church tomorrow, worship and hear the Word the way I've been needing for so long. I get to serve. I get to help those in need and feed those who are hungry. I get to smile and say hello to someone and share with them what I've seen in the mirror. I've seen my reflection and I am not alone. This reflection that I've seen I want others to see. Not "me" but what's in me. I have a feeling that reflection has been there quite a while but I've never been able to see it so clearly. I guess my mirror needed cleaning...fear was the grime on my mirror preventing me from seeing "me".

I now begin my 42nd summer, a defining year for me. Tired & Stressed? Sure. But also determined and confident that my life is in God's hands and the work I am called to do will be accomplished.

I truly thank my friends for all of your support throughout the year. Through all of our emails, tears, stress, vents, bad jokes and just plain silliness I love you all so much.

What can I say to my family? My children, there are no words...I try to live loud so that the words I live will speak to your hearts. It is my reason for being.