Truth and reality

Reality: I didn't want to run today.  I came home from church and went to bed.  I wanted to stay curled up and if I had to get up, all I wanted to do was eat. I wanted to eat something really really bad and lots and lots of it.  Instead, I got out of bed, got dressed and went to the Marina with two of my boys.  

I ran.  I ran because I didn't want to.  I ran because my mind and body fought so hard to keep me in bed. I ran because all I wanted to do was sleep and eat.

I sobbed while I ran.  I sobbed because I didn't want to run.  I sobbed because sometimes I just don't want to move forward.  I want to sit, lie still and lifeless and hope that things will just go on without my attention.  I sobbed and ran and prayed and told God that I didn't want to move another step, but my feet kept shuffling along pulling my aching body and troubled mind forward. 

I refuse to give up. I can't stop. Life is so overwhelming and difficult, but I have no other option but to move forward.  I didn't enjoy my run. I was embarrassed of my tear stained face and snot covered T-shirt, but I was strengthened by time spent with my God.  He ran with me.  He heard me. He helped me. He caught my tears, and I'm convinced that He is creating a lake just for me in heaven and one day I will swim in the tears that I have shed.

Truth: We all have inner struggles that we go through.  We all have voices that speak to us, one encouraging and one that is beating us down making us want to give up.  Sometimes the abusive voice is overwhelming and overpowering.  The Spirit of God is the voice that brings hope and encouragement. Our flesh and the negativity of this world, past experiences and the enemy of our soul is the abusive voice.   That voice wanted me to stay in bed stressed and depressed.  It wanted me to give up all that I have worked so hard at, my healing and health and gorge on food that would cause me to get sick.  I recognized that voice and decided to beat it.  It's not easy, but it's worth it.  Fight on and press on even if your sobbing while doing it.

Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. (Matthew 26:41 KJV)

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. (Philippians 4:13 KJV)