I'm pulling an "It's not fair" card -- even though I've banned them from my deck

I know, life isn't fair, but today, I'm pulling out that card. Yes, a last resort. A whine. A pout.

It's not fair that I have to sit in a waiting room surrounded by seniors -- REALLY  senior, seniors and wait for the same doctors to see my husband that they are waiting for.  Seniors with their grey-haired spouses all gussied up for their most important outing of the day...the doctor visit.

Here I sit with my dark-haired husband, hunched over, dozing off waiting for the doctor.  As his name is called it takes him extra time to get up and out of his chair.  As the medical assistant escorts us down the long hallway, he falls behind because he is unable to walk steadly or quickly.  Same as the other patients called before us.  

We should be here 30 years from now.  Not now.  

I'm afraid we don't have 30 years. 

It's not fair. 

Truth and Reality: Servanthood; Being Christlike

Truth and Reality - We must serve all

As I sit here looking at this profound sculpture of Jesus washing someone's feet, my mind begins to wander. I begin to think about this example that my Lord set for me to follow. I actually sat and wondered for a moment of which disciple may have been depicted in this example. Well, it really doesn't matter, because Jesus washed the feet of ALL of his disciples.

He washed the feet of those who may have annoyed him (come on, Jesus was human and I'm sure he was annoyed by those who were always trying to schmooze him). He washed the feet of the one who frustrated him -- think Peter. He washed the feet of the one who doubted him. He washed the feet of the one he loved and he washed the feet of he who, just a short time after, would betray him and be responsible for his arrest leading to his death sentence.

The reality (my reality) is, sometimes it's easier to serve those who are not close to us. Those with whom we have no "real" investment. It's easier to serve, and humble ourselves to those who have no claim on our emotions or our personal lives. Personally, it's easy for me to serve those less fortunate. It's not a big deal for me to feed the hungry or love the unloved and destitute. It's difficult to serve those who have hurt us time and time again. It's hard to humble ourselves before someone who we feel should be humbled instead.

The Truth is, God has called us to serve everyone. Jesus' example of servanthood and friendship came to those who were closest to him. He poured out the three greatest years of his life with his disciples, whom he later called his friends. He shared his most intimate moments with them, praying with them, weeping in front of them, showing them the way and sharing the secrets of his father with them. Speaking candidly and openly with them.

The feet that Jesus washed were the very feet that scattered when he was taken. The hands that broke bread with him, lashed out with the sword. The mouths that pledged to forever be committed to him, denied him with bitter tongues. He knew this. As Jesus wrapped the towel around his waist and bent down to wash the feet of his friends, he knew exactly what each man was about to do, how deeply he would be hurt - not physically, but emotionally.

And so, this is our example. We, as servants of Christ, follow his lead. We serve, we love, we humble ourselves in front of the very people who irritate, annoy, frustrate, hurt, humiliate, abandon, and yes, even betray us. The truth isn't always easy to hear, and oftentimes more difficult to practice. After all, we're only human, but this, my friends is true Christianity, it's servanthood. It is Christ. This is what I strive to be, without excuse, without regret, simply Christlike.

Truth & Reality -- I'm sad

Reality and Truth

The Lord is a shield about us and the lifter of our heads Ps. 3:3

Reality:

I’m sad.  It’s no secret.  Those of you who know me well, or those who have read anything I write, know that my life is difficult.  My difficult life is not something that I hide, I just don’t glorify it;  it’s not something that I choose to constantly write about or dwell on.  Today, I feel the need to share the fact that I’m sad.  Not for sympathy or pity, but to encourage others around me, because I’m sure I’m not the only sad person here. 

I’m sad.  So sad, in fact, that it’s been difficult to get out of bed in the morning.  Each morning my mind and body fight with my will and spirit.  I just want to lie in bed, hide under the covers and sleep. Sleep and sleep and sleep – perchance to dream.  Ay, there’s the rub!  

My dreams.  

I.Have.Dreams.

Despite the daily battle between my mind and will each morning, I get out of bed.  I press forward with my day and try to keep my mind occupied thinking on things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely and admirable. Not ignoring and suppressing the sadness, but adding good thoughts to my mind and heart in order to somehow dilute it.  Some days it works, others not so much.  I press forward.  

The battle continues during the day and at lunch I want to sleep in my car – perchance to dream – instead of working out.  I want to live, so I work out. 

I sometimes cry when I run <true story>.  I tell myself I hate running and that’s why I’m crying, but I’m not really an immature baby, so I then choose to be true to myself: “I’m really sad, that’s why I’m crying”.  <that awkward moment when you’re caught> <-- That’s another story. 

Instead of sleeping in my car at lunch, I swam today.  It felt great.  You know, it is really painful to cry and swim, downright dangerous, actually!  My goggles get all fogged up and wet with salty tears that sting my eyes and I can’t see.  Plus, I’m an ugly crier.  I tend to sob and kind of hiccup…that’s not a good thing when you’re swimming either.  Today, I refrained from crying and I beat the water with my arms and kicked the surface with all of my might – for 70 minutes.  It felt great. 

Truth:

I’m sad, but I can’t let it keep me down.  I can’t let the sleepiness of sorrow dictate my life or pilot my dreams. I am chosen, hand-picked by God to live this life and He will always be here to strengthen me and get me through.  I MUST GET UP…ALWAYS.

Friends, nothing is accomplished by staying in bed.

Nothing is accomplished by running to food, alcohol or drugs – those things don’t dilute the sorrow, only multiply it.

Nothing is accomplished by just sitting and staring at the television set.

Wake up my friend. Get up. Pull yourself up. Drag yourself. Whatever you have to do, do it.  Sorrowful dreams that are dreamt in moments of depression turn into nightmares. Remember the God-given dreams of your heart and pursue them.  God has plans for you. A future and hope.  Hope never disappoints. 

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. (Romans 5:3-5 NIV)